Yeah, this stuff is always hard one way or another. And bringing it up is even harder, at least in my family of birth, where there is going to be an epic shitshow when my maternal grandparents die. I will stay on the opposite coast and keep my head down, thankyouverymuch.

There is such a thing as a special needs trust, which doesn't solve the trustee problem, but could provide a stream of support to a disabled person without endangering any governmental benefits like SSI. They're kind of a pain to deal with, though, Is my understanding.