I never saw that as the book's definition of honour - I thought it was presented as the (wrongheaded) Dalemark aristocrats' idea of honour.

Yes, that's what I thought too. But then the last quarter or so did some work to complicate the north/south dichotomy, and specifically to talk about the virtues of southern culture. Or at least how one could live inside those ways while still being oneself. Which was very necessary, I felt, but also raised some questions in my mind about the intention of a lot of the prior judginess. That, and this definition of honor gets reflected back through multiple iterations. It never seems to go well -- carrying on dad's work when you aren't suited to it but you promised to, for example -- but damn if it isn't what everyone tries, and also what almost everyone people in the book approve as proper. Moril doesn't, though, notably.

Yes, very cold. There's a particular bit at the end where they receive a letter from their mother, who is reportedly a new person now that she's actually happy. And he reads it and thinks distantly that she sounds like a far off relation he doesn't really care about. Ouch. And yet, very fitting. I would not have enjoyed this book nearly so much if his view of his parents wasn't radically altered throughout. Deceptively simple, like I said.