Mostly I just want to say... I am totally going to read these books now, and it will be Your Fault! I think your description of the romantic relationship sounds really interesting to read (says the person married to a conservative, where politically we disagree on many topics but do try to argue like grownups).

(A little bit I wonder... in the mostly-het sometimes-conservative world I live in, the word "homophobe" has started to get these connotations of "very overtly insulting/hating/being afraid of/being ugly to/threatening violence to gay people," instead of the "in the possession of fear of the Other or the Not-Like-Me, which may be, and often is, subconscious and/or systematic and often results in non-overt but substantial biases even though the person may consciously believe she is not biased" which I think you mean. I wonder if she meant it in the first way, which would make a bit more sense. (Though I also wonder if part of the reason it's a damaging cliche is that it's easy to try to have one's cake and eat it too -- pat oneself on the back in the knowledge one is not the first kind of homophobe, and sort of elide it to not being the second kind of homophobe even if one is.) But since I haven't read the book yet, I obviously don't know what she meant.

Interesting. You always make me think! :P :) )